Thursday, 29 October 2009

For our first performance poetry seminar we were asked to write a piece on identity...

This is the first piece of performance poetry I have ever written so go easy on me ;)

Identity piece

So you look at me...
Please DON’T tell me what you see.
I’ll tell you who I am,
I’m a 21 year old...
Searching at university,
Searching for what I aspire to be,
To have,
Who I want ME to be.

It hasn’t always been like this
And you probably just think I’m just taking the piss
But this is the life I was given
And the place I was driven
To this pad and a pen
Again and again.

I look for love.
This was after you ripped my heart out of my chest –
Stamping on it,
Throwing it away for all to see.
Three years?
It meant nothing to you.
I would walk with my head dragging on the floor,
Because of you.
And all that you used to do,
To me...
I know what you’re
I seem like a strong individual...
Wouldn’t take stick?
Well, I did –
For three whole years of my life.
They were the happiest,
Yet the most abusive three years –
Lucky you,
Coming out on top.

It hasn’t always been like this
And you probably just think I’m just taking the piss
But this is the life I was given
And the place I was driven
To this pad and a pen
Again and again.

My confidence has soared now.
A new year,
A new start.
Like my mother said it would.
But it’s easy for her to preach her wisdom,
When she’s not even here.
His family were my family.
I’ve lost my mother, father and brother.

But I tell you what,
I’m bigger and better without him –
He may have been my other half to the jigsaw puzzle
But I’ve made my own game...
And it’s called my life.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Before the split

This is a piece of lifewriting I wrote when I was still with Rob, I have found it recently after splitting up and thought I should share it as its probably one of the most intense, passionate pieces I have ever written.

When will it be?

Is love when he makes your body shudder in time with his? Is love when you care for all that he does? Is love when you worry when your last day or being with him will be? I worry of that all of the time. When will my last morning of waking up next to you be? When will our last kiss be? Please tell me so I can savour your taste on my lips for as long as possible.

When will I feel you inside me as one for the last time? Please tell me so I can prolong my shuddering orgasm just that little bit too long. I would make sure I touch every inch of your body with my tongue. I would make sure I could hold you next to my naked body for as long as possible. I would make sure we feel pleasured, satisfied and entwined. Your body is like a castle to me, every time I open another passage way or door it’s like a whole new room to explore.

Before you go can I trace your collarbone with my tongue? Can I squeeze your supple, little bottom just one more time? Can I put you in my mouth feeling every ripple of life erupting out of you and into me? When you leave can you give me no warning?

If I had just 12 more hours with you I would lock you in a room, take my clothes off and hold you. I would beg you to stay, cry until I could produce no more tears. Would you really leave me? Could I cope with life without you? Could I really do it? Could I risk never kissing your lips again? I could not imagine not having my own little sanctuary in your arms.

Would you miss me? I don’t think I could physically watch you slip away from me. I couldn’t share my naked body with someone else. You have explored me from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes. I have dreamt of our wedding, our honeymoon, our babies, our houses, our cars. How could I dream that all up with someone else now? I couldn’t. Simple as that.

I suppose I better start with something...

This is a poem I wrote about a really tough part of my life, probably the hardest thing I've been through and had to deal with. I still think about it all the time and it will never leave me.I wrote this poem with the intention of explaining how raw the emotions were at this time and how the physical and emotional feelings never leave you.

Come back to me

Away from my walls,
Gurgling for my help,
You ask for me, my love.

Slipping yourself away,
No longer a part of me,
Just tissue and crimson.

Passing your way through,
Carrying a piece of me,
On your journey to death.

I lost you,
And I’ll never get the chance
To tell you.

I loved you,
I often think of you,
My little angel.

I’m sorry,
I did not think before,
That I would not see you, to tell you.

I miss you,
A part of me,

Come back to me,
My baby,
I want to love you,